MARY RAMBLING

I CAME HOME FROM CHURCH AND ALL OF A SUDDEN A WAVE OF DEPRESSION CAME OVER ME SO BAD THAT I CAN NOT SLEEP.

IT HAS BEEN A ROUGH WEEK OR SO. MY BLOOD SUGARS HAVE BEEN OUT OF CONTROL. THEY HAVE BEEN RANGING FROM 60 TO 300 ALL UP A DOWN . i HAVE TO GO IN FOR MORE TESTING I AM NOT ABLE TO GET IT UNDER CONTROL LAST WEEK WEDNESDAY IT BOTTOMED OUT SO BAD, BUT O F COURSE I HAD NOT EAT FOR OVER A DAY.DUE TO LACK OF MONEY FOR FOOD. BUT GOD DID SUPPLY THE NEED TO GET SOME FOOD. THEN SATURDAY MY TV JUST DIED, I DONT WATCH THAT MUCH TV BUT IT IS NICE TO HAVE AT NIGHT ,,,,BUT GOD MADE A WAY FOR SOME FRIENDS TO GIVE ME A TV. AND THEN OF COURSE MY COMPUTER CRASHED A FEW WEEKS AGO, AND GOD SUPPLIED THE NEED THERE TOO.

THE MESSAGE TONIGHT WAS ABOUT HOW WE ARE ALIVE IN CHRIST. AND HOW HE HAS RAISED UP TO HEAVENLY PLACES. HOW WE WERE DEAD IN OUR SINS BUT CHRIST MADE THE WAY TO BE RECONCILED BACK TO GOD.

KNOWING THAT I AM A CHILD OF GOD AND FRIEND OF GOD. AND I SEE HOW HE DID SUPPLY MY NEEDS ABOVE WHY AM I DEPRESSED. WHY AM I SITTING HERE WITH TEARS RUNNING DOWN MY FACE
FROM DEPRESION. YEAH MAYBE IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH MY BLOOD SUGARS BEING OFF.

MY MIND IS TELLING ME THERE IS NEXT WEEK WHAT WILL I DO NEXT WEEK HOW WILL I MAKE IT THROUGH. GOD HAS PROVED HIMSELF HOW COME I CAN NOT BELIEVE HE WILL GET ME THROUGH NEXT WEEK AS WELL. I KNOW I HAVE PEOPLE WHO LOVE ME AND CARE ABOUT YET THE DEVIL IS TRYING TO TELL ME AGAIN TONIGHT YOU ARE ALL ALONE. THAT IS NOT TRUE. I MY NOT HAVE BLOOD FAMILY....BUT I DO HAVE A CHRISTIAN FAMILY WHO CARES,, LIKE I SAID THE ENEMY IS COMING IN LIKE WILD FIRE TONIGHT SAYING DIFFERENT. I TRY TO TAKE THOSE THOUGHTS CAPTIVE AND I FEEL LIKE I AM BEATING MY HEAD AGAINST THE WALL.

I AM PRAYING AND ADVERTISING FOR MORE STUDENTS. ADS ARE NOT BEING ANSWERED. I DON'T WANT TO BE ONE WHO IS LITTLE FAITH I REALLY DON'T. I DON'T WANT TO APPEAR UNGRATEFUL FOR WHAT ALL GOD HAS DONE.

OH GOD GIVE ME THE FAITH TO BELIEVE. HELP ME TO TRUST. YOU HAVE PROVEN YOURSELF OVER AND OVER AGAIN. HELP ME TO KNOW YOU ARE MY PROVIDER. HEALER, DELIVERER,

OK LIKE I SAID BEFORE THIS IS JUST MY ONLINE JOURNAL FORGIVE ME FOR THINKING OUTLOUD SO TO SAY.