Today has been a day of many tears. Depression has seemed to take over today, and not feeling well physically does not help either, I had two students cancel lessons today and finacially that is devasting to me, I was sick last month and missed some work and so now this month I am in a place where I can not pay the rest of my bills this month, Hopefully they will understand and make some arrangements with me,
I did meet with my Pastor today, and we talked about forgiveness and the connection it can have with physical illness, I am trying to deal with learning forgiveness of people who have hurt me in the past and my pastor said today that there is a verse that says that you don't forgive your Heavenly Father will not forgive you , that is a very scary verse. I asked him how do you know when you have totally forgiven someone, he said when it is brought up it does not hurt anymore, that there is only a scar not an open wound,
I do pray and pray asking God to take the hurt away of all the things of the past. And even some recent hurts. The pain will not go away, I want it to I really do. I don't want to hold on to all this junk.
I hate when depression takes over like it has today and when the panic attacks run rapid like today, It make me isolate and hide that is where I am at today, not answering my phone just hiding. I am praying and reading the word and really crying out to God I do not want to stay in this place. That is why I go to counseling with a counselor and also with my Pastor I don't want things to stay the same I want change, Oh Man I sound Like Obama there I WANT CHANGE, that is not an endorsement of him, just a statement. Well if anyone is reading this which I think this is more just for me than anything if you would pray that would be great.
I want to try to go to church tonight but that will all depend if I can leave my room and if the panic attacks stop. Well enough for now maybe later I will post and maybe not.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
DAY OF TEARS AND DEPRESSION
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2 comments:
Yes, Pastor Chris is right, if you don't forgive, then our Heavenly Father will not forgive us. I also remember a verse where one of the disciples asked Jesus how many times should a person forgive, and suggested seven times...Jesus said seventy times seven. I know that what you have been through has been hurtful and devastating, and I know that I only know bits and pieces of it. If you ever feel free to share, I will be all ears to listen. I will also be praying that God lays it on your heart to fully forgive those who have hurt you in the past. I pray that you will never be hurt like that again. Let me know if I can do anything to help, whether it's with finances, to talk, to pray, to email, whatever. I mean that, I really do. Talk soon. xoxo
ML4J
THANK YOU SO MUCH YOU ARE A GOOD FRIEND, PC ALSO BROUGHT THAT VERSE UP ABOUT 70 TIMES 7 AS WE GO INTO THIS EASTER SUNDAY I REALLY HOPE I CAN COME TO THE PLACE WHERE I CAN SAY AS FAR AS MY DAD AND OTHERS GO I CAN SAY AS JESUS DID FATHER FORIVE HIM. FOR HE KNOWS NOT THE DAMAGE HE HAS CAUSED, IT IS FRIENDS LIKE YOU THAT I HAVE EVEN GOTTEN THIS FAR, I LOVE YOU
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