Monday, March 17, 2008

TESTAMONY PART TWO

I stayed with the nuns for two years. Like I said they were good to me but real strict, I never went to church services because I was not Catholic and my cousin told them not to make me go if I did not want to. By this time my Aunt had called my mom and told her that my cousin had me but she was not going to tell where I was, My mom said that she was just glad to know I was safe. I think if she really cared about my safety she would of done something about it, Later in life she told me what could I do he said he would harm the rest of us if we said anything To me that was not a good answer, I would of gotten my child and got out of there, I stayed with the Nuns for two years when I was 15 I left there and went back to Detroit, found myself living with some Hells Angels. No I never became a biker, but they took good care fo me, and never ever did anything to me , They put me through school and also Music School and then the University Of Michigan where I got my masters in music,

When I was twenty five my mom called me and said my dad was dying and he wanted to see me, I did not want to go, but John who was one of the Hells Angels said you need to go maybe you will hear what you always wanted to hear and that is for him to say he was sorry for what he had done, Well I went and when I went in to see my dad he motioned for me to come near his bed so I did and he said I just want you to know I will hate you to my grave, . I never understood and still don't understand why he hated me, what could a child do to make someone hate them that bad, I was three or so when all this stuff started to happen, what could I have done,

Well after 25 years of not going to church , I finally went back once I moved to California I went to Calvary Chapel In Aliso Viejo California where Danny Bond was the pastor. and after being there for several years and becoming a part of the church again, I found out that Danny was beating his wife and a abusive man, well I got out of there, Then from there I went to Calvary Laguna where Joe Sabolick was the Pastor and after really being involved there Joe was removed for stealing money and being in appropreat young girls.

Well I was never going to go to church again, by this time I just thought all pastors were jerks, starting with my dad, Now I do go to a church here in San Clemente, where the pastor here Chris Gleason has really tried to help me, he set me up with counseling with a Grief Counselor a long with counseling with Chris I am now trying to find forgiveness in my heart for all these people .

Awhile back ago, I was sent some old home movies of the abuse my dad actually filmed it and it made me wonder who was holding the camera and now I know it was my mom,

GOD HELP ME TO FORGIVE

That is where my journey is now the road to forgiveness and this is what I will post from now on.

11 comments:

MyLove4Jesus1999 said...

I can't beleive your mother was holding the video!!! So she supported all that?!?!? Unbelieveable. Do you still speak with her? I can see how you struggle with forgiveness. All that you went through, was torment, pain, by all of your family. That makes me so so angry right now, that people can be so cruel and abusive, not to mention selfish, and have no common sense about it knowing how wrong it is. I will pray that God gives you that strength to forgive them.

Maryb said...

mylove4jesus
My mom died in 1999 so no I don't still talk to her, but did take care of her in the last years of her life,

Anonymous said...

Oh Mar Mar! I can see why you would have a hard time forgiving I am so angry at your family for doing this to you! You are God's child and with his help I do beleive that you will find that forgiveness and it will be for you and I know when that time comes you will have such a big lift off of your shoulders from carrying this around it will take time to heal the wounds but I pray that you will continue to reley on God as your strength and with us too we will support you. I love you and hold your head up high and know we all stand behind you! I love you Mar Mar! Mandy

Maryb said...

MANDY
I LOVE YOU, YOU ARE SO SWEET ALL THE TIME TO ME, LIKE I TOLD MYLOVE4JESUS ON ANOTHER POST IT IS FRIENDS LIKE YOU THAT KEEP ME GOING, THANK YOU SO MUCH.

Maryb said...

More will come tomorrow or Sat on this subject

Anonymous said...

Mary: I can't stop crying, reading your testimony. I am truly at a loss for words (that's saying something for a preacher). No wonder you struggle the way you do.

I believe that what happened to you breaks the heart of God. Why He allowed this to happen to you, I don't pretend to know. I need to process what you have written - I will get back to you later.

Grace and peace...

Maryb said...

Okie Preacher
Thanks for coming by, I appreciate your comments. Forgiveness is hard but we have to. God Commands us to forgive and that is what I am working on. And I don't believe that is was an accident that I saw what I saw that happen to little Amanda, I feel God is calling me to be a voice AMANDA'S VOICE to help the abused somehow, I don't know what God has in mind, but I don't think he let me see her die in vain, I want to be healed of my struggles to help others.

Rachel said...

mary, i can't believe you are sane and walking with Jesus after all that has happened to you. it's so awful and i know that the anger and sadness i feel reading this pales in comparison to what our Lord feels.

keep pressing on, mary. there's healing for you. i know.

Anonymous said...

Dear Mary,
This is a heartbreaking story. Your endurance is amazing and I know that the forgiveness will come to your heart and you'll find the peace that only Jesus can give. Continue to build your relationship with God, for humans can always hurt us and dissappoint us. I've learned to run to Him, and only in His arms I find comfort and strength. You're a beautiful person!

Unknown said...

Mary, You are truly such a strong woman.. my heart breaks for what you went through as a little girl, and the repercussions those experiences continue to have on you. Words can't explain the shock I am in knowing what you had to go through.. Only God knows the pain you bear and the hurt you have experienced. I admire you for the beautiful person you have become in spite of the horrible things you went through. Keep pressin' on, Sis

"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18

RBAR said...

Mary, you are a testimony of God's keeping power. You have not strayed far from him despite the abuse you endured.

Having read your blog, you really don't realize how much of an impact you are having on children and adults who are going through the same thing. Your example is one that they should follow; namely, that with time, one can heal from wounds no matter how devastating they may have been and that forgiveness is a process that does not guarantee that one will necessarily forget what happened, but that one must forgive. Very powerful testimony.

Looking forward to read more on your journey...