I am very tired today, tired of all this junk going on in my life. Everyone tells me God has a purpose for me to be here, well I think it is some kind of a cruel joke he is playing on me. Sometimes I even pray to die. I am tired of the fight. I am tired of feeling defeated all the time, I am tired of being alone all the time. I am tired beating my head against the wall. Just when Ifeel things are getting better I get slapped in the face with something else that is going on. I take one step forward and 10 backwards it seems, Today is a very down day for me one where I just feel like giving up. I down deep in my heart that there is a God but sometimes I wonder is he really there for me, it seems like everyone is finding their happiness but me, I have had a major panic attack today, one to where I am still shaking, I'm scared, scared of my own actions sometimes. I am trying really trying but this sense of dispair has over taken me today, this day is awful just awful. My mind is running rapid with all kinds of thoughts. Thoughts of not wanting to be here. thoughts that things will never change. Crying out to God and feeling like he is not even listening to me. Well I guess I have said enough for now.
MY CAGE IS FUN I HAVE MANY TOYS
BUT I AM NEVER IN IT.
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16 comments:
Mary, please stop thinking about yourself. Stop the thoughts that are going through your mind. Pick up the Bible and read the Psalms.
Get out of the house, go change the direction you are thinking.
Your thoughts will only escalate and will dig you deeper into a ditch.
You MUST change your thoughts.
When you start to have a thought..immediately think of a good one. That may be hard to do but you must take your mind away from the direction it is going.
When you feel an attack, go get something to eat and check your blood sugar. Panic attacks can happen when your blood sugar is low. Eat some cottage cheese and half an apple...a slice of turkey and some cheese...see if this helps.
Is your blood sugar stable?
You must take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ. Don't dwell on your thoughts. Walk outside-change your focus.
I am telling you this because this is what helped me--as I told you blood sugar is a BIG issue with this.
Can you try these things..
Let me know how it goes.
When you conquer this, it will be a victory and you WILL conquer this Mary. God promises you can have victory. Your brain will go crazy with low blood sugar.
And you will not be alone if you go outside and take a walk. go to a neighborhood store and just walk around.
I am praying for you.
Chosen4Him
Mary,
Can you call your Pastor and talk with him?
Put on some of your gospel music that you mentioned on your profile.
My blood sugar is stable even though I am a diabetic my blood sugar is fine about 110 at the moment.
and no I can not get ahold of my pastor today. he is off today.
Im just having a bad day. sorry.
maryb: God loves you - that is a fact as the Bible says so. You have people in your life who love you - just read the responses to your post - you are loved! In a self serving world, these have taken the time to reach out to you.
I don't know why; I wish I did; but by faith I know that it is somehow going to work together for your good - because the Word says so.
We are praying for you. Remember Hebrews 13:5, "...for he himself has said, 'I will never leave you, I will never forsake you.'"
In that verse is a double and triple negative, so it reads, "I will never, never, leave you, I will never, never, never, forsake you."
By the way; your picture of the dog playing the piano is priceless...
Okie Preacher
I know there are people on here and other blogs that care. I knoW That and am grateful for there friendship.
Today is just hard. One of those days that seem to have a dark cloud over my head. Things just seek overwhelming today.
Tomorrow I will be going to Amandas funeral.
Thanks to everyone who responded to this post I appreciate it. I really do.
Okie I found that picture of the dog on the internet somewhere and copied it I liked it thought it was suitable since I teach piano.
Maryb: I'm praying for you right now. Remember that while Amanda's life was short and painful, her tears are being dried by her Heavenly Father as we speak.
I wasn't online much yesterday. I missed this post of yours. How are you doing since Amanda's funeral? That must have been difficult for you. I wish I had some surefire advice to make it all better, but I just don't know what it is that God is trying to work out in you, for you, around you... Just keep trusting in His promised love. Still praying. You're not alone in all this.
"How precious is Your lovingkindness, O God! Therefore the children of men put their trust under the shadow of Your wings. They are abundantly satisfied with the fullness of Your house, and You give them drink from the river of Your pleasures. For with You is the fountain of life; in Your light we see light." Psalm 36:7-9
Amanda funeral was hard. This all seems really strange though, the service had about 25 people there and it was all kept so quiet. the police were there I guess incase the dad showed up they are still looking for him, for some reason though I think the real mom may know where he is . Im not sure of that I just got a feeling, the whole family is a strange and there is alot more to this story than anyone is saying. it is just all so odd. but it is ashame that a 6 year old had to be the victim of such a weird situation. It was held at a Luthern Church just in a small room, Her mom had her creamated and took the ahes with her. I don't know it is all so sad.
Do you all (El, Mary, Okie, Pastor Bill) near Fayette?
I took a homeopathic seminar this weekend with an very knowledgable Christian Doctor of Homeopathy and Chiropractic from what I believed to be near you.
His name is Dr. William Kneebone.
When I found out where he was from it really seemed ironic because so many of you I think are from Northern California near the Nappa Valley and I have been praying for some referrals for some of you in response to the depression issues.
Dr. William J. Kneebone
D.C., CNC, DiHom, FIAMA
3744 Mt. Diablo Boulevard Suite 206
Lafayette, Ca. 94549
925-299-1324
Cell 925 586 8600
I am just putting this out there. He has been in practice 30 years and we had some great talk during lunch about the Lord., so I believe God may be opening some doors here.
Chosen4Him
Sorry for the gramatical errrors.I need to preview before sending..
Chosen
I am in south Orange County about 80 miles south of LA so I am not in northern California. I am about 75 miles north of San Diego so kinda in between La and SAn diego.
Mary,
I will ask him for a referral down by you. Can you give me the town?
How are you doing today Mary?
Mission Viejo is my city
I have been out in the heat all day right now I am drained,
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